Feedback is a really useful tool in enabling us to develop and move forward. However, it can sometimes be difficult to hear. So what do we do when we are struggling to listen to feedback?

If you have the opportunity to be prepared (i.e if this is appraisal time) it is a good idea to think about how you think your role is going and any examples you can give where you have delivered and where you have found the work challenging. This should be a 2 way conversation to learn how to move forward.

If this is a separate conversation outside of the formal process, remember that this is an opportunity to move forward in your career. There are always learning points to be gained from these types of interactions, even if it is just how you manage them. This can be incredibly valuable for how you respond in the future, or how you yourself deliver feedback or difficult messages to others.

This can be a really good opportunity to improve or learn something in order to take a next step in your career. It is far better for your career to take some uncomfortable feedback and move forward with new knowledge, than it is to be stuck.

If you are finding the conversation difficult, you don’t need to respond immediately and sometimes it is a good idea to have a breather and a think about what is actually being said. Sometimes we can hold on to the perceived negative comments and miss the really positive things. It is OK to ask for clarity if you are not sure of the message. It is also OK to ask for some time out to regroup and come back at a later date to continue.

Here are 5 key things to think about when you are being given feedback

1. The person who is delivering feedback may be just as uncomfortable as you are in hearing it. Give them grace. They are likely to be trying to help you move forward or addressing something that will help you in the future.

2. You don’t have to believe criticism is true! You may disagree with some or all of the feedback. However, it is important to recognise that it will be useful in some way. Think of ways you can apply what’s being said. Or simply think of how you are reacting in that time and space, being able to respond appropriately in difficult scenarios is what a lot of leaders have in common.

3. There may be a point where the feedback has hit a nerve with you. Try leaning into that and try to understand why that has particularly resonated? Maybe there is some truth in that or it has made a previous experience resurface. Do some of your own due diligence to work out what that might be. This could be the really helpful nugget that, once you recognise what it is, propels you forward.

4. You don’t have to respond or react immediately. If you feel overwhelmed or upset, it is perfectly ok to take a break.

5. Remember that no one ever reached their potential by not adapting, changing or learning. Everyone around you will have stumbled or fallen along the way at some point. This is part of achieving something you really want. Dust off, refocus, put in place anything that needs to be addressed and move forward.

I am uncomfortable with feedback. How do I change this?

I am ready for the next step in my career