One of the key reasons we don’t set boundaries (and most importantly maintain them) is because we are often worried about upsetting someone or being seen as being difficult.
We can fear that they are pushing people away whereas in reality, clear, healthy boundaries and good communication does the exact opposite: it fosters connections and relationships, and as a consequence makes us more productive and happier and can help avoid burnout and overwhelm.
Boundaries can come in many different forms:
· Time boundaries: leaving work on time, not replying to messages outside agreed hours, or protecting time for rest.
· Emotional boundaries: recognising that you can care about someone without taking responsibility for every feeling they have.
· Workload boundaries: being realistic about capacity instead of automatically accepting every request.
· Relationship boundaries: communicating what feels respectful, safe, and acceptable in your interactions.
· Digital boundaries: choosing when you are available online and when you need to disconnect.
When we are under pressure, our boundaries can very often be over looked. Especially if we are used to people pleasing and doing things ourselves because ‘it’s quicker and easier.’
How do we therefore go about setting a boundary without feeling like we are being selfish or creating conflict?
Recognise that you might feel a level of discomfort when setting a boundary. This is completely normal and it’s important to keep in mind that good, clear boundaries will ultimately make you more productive whilst also protecting your own health and well being.
Think about what you really want to say and why you are putting the boundary in place: are you overworked? Do you have too many small tasks that are taking you away from the bigger picture? Are your hours long and unmanageable? Once you have identified why you need the boundary, you will be much clearer on asking for it.
If you are struggling to set and maintain boundaries, consider the following 5 key points:
· Be clear and concise when setting your boundary. Phrases such as ‘I need more notice before I can take on this extra project.’ Or ‘I am happy to discuss taking on more work but for this week I am at capacity’ can be a helpful starting point in opening the discussion.
· Remember that you are not creating obstructions. Fostering healthy connections with colleagues and bosses will protect your own well being in the long run and forge respect between you and your colleagues.
· You will feel uncomfortable the first time you have to have these conversations. That does not mean they are wrong. It just means that you are not used to setting boundaries around your time and work. The more you have these types of interactions, the easier it becomes.
· Re-visit these conversations once you are able to. Conversations such as ‘I now have more availability to take on that project’ is a good follow up once things feel and look more settled for you.
· This works two ways, so if you are on the receiving end of a discussion around boundaries, it might be helpful to ask your colleague about whether they need further help. Recognise that it takes courage and trust to admit you need a boundary so take it as an opportunity to find out more.
If you want some help in exploring these ideas, please get in touch via my contact page.
I would love to help you make the right decision for you.